Secret Girl
by Seraphina DW
Summary: HxR. What if Relena WASN'T a GIRL? What if, in [her] mind [she] was trapped as a girl but BECAME a boy bc of [her] mother's wishes? How will [she] survive when sent to an all boys' boarding school? FINALLY UPDATED! CHAPTER 8 UP!
1. Prologue

Warnings: Character undergoes a sex change. May be traumatizing.

Pairings: Heero and Relena (???)

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is copyrighted to its respective owners. I do not claim to own Gundam Wing; I'm using the characters solely for entertainment purposes.

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Secret Girl

By Seraphina DW

The nurse's gloved hands were stained with blood while she put the newborn baby in a blanket and handed the child to the mother.

"Congratulations, Mrs. Darlian. It's a girl."

Mr. Darlian happily snapped a shot of the crying baby and her mother while he leaned over to give his wife a kiss.

"She's a girl, dear," Mrs. Darlian said to her husband, her voice flat and dull, exhausted from childbirth. Mr. Darlian stared at his beloved, his happiness covered with confusion. Mrs. Darlian shook her head, her face in pain. Clutching the child to her breast, she closed her eyes and cried.

***

"Relena! Relena, come inside," Mrs. Darlian called out to her teenage daughter who was playing in the flower fields.

"What is it, Mother?" Relena asked, running from the garden and into the sunroom. It was a hot, humid day, and her dirt smudged cotton dress stuck to her skin while sweat beaded on the side of her face. The air conditioner was on full blast, and a gentleman in a black suit padded his forehead with a white cloth. He was sitting on a couch seated with floral cushions supported by twisting straw legs. Her mother was sitting patiently on a white straw chair adjacent to the couch, scowling at her daughter's messy appearance.

"Relena," Mrs. Darlian cleared her throat, "this is Dr. Ex Allier." The doctor stood up.

"How do you do?" Relena curtsied and stood beside her mother.

He bowed slightly in return. "You have a lovely daughter, Mrs. Darlian. What a shame."

"Mother? what is he talking about?" Relena turned to Mrs. Darlian.

"Relena," Mrs. Darlian said, slightly embarrassed, "you know how we've talked about…changing you? Well, the kind doctor here is willing to perform the surgery…"

Relena rosy face paled as fear rose in her eyes.

She whispered, "…Mother?"

"You agreed with me, right?" Mrs. Darlian stared at her daughter coldly. "It's for the best, Relena."

"Uh, Mrs. Darlian, we must have full consent of the child before-"

"She's just nervous, that's all," Mrs. Darlian forced a smile onto her face.

The doctor turned to the girl and with a kind voice, "Relena, you need not worry. This surgery has been performed for many years now, and the results are wonderful. If you are not completely sure you want to go through this, then you have plenty of time to think it over."

Panicking, she turned to her mother who glared at her expectantly. With a shaky voice, she whispered coarsely, "I-I d-don't want to, um, b-be a-a girl anymore, sir. I…" Then with a determined look on her face, she said, "I want to be a boy."


	2. Scared

Hello.

My name is Relena Darlian.

Funny thing is, the first five letters of "Darlian" are the same as "darling." Ironically, I was never a "darling" to my parents. They never wanted me; at least I know my mother didn't. They never wanted to have a daughter, and were hopelessly disappointed when I came into the world. Don't ask me why, because I have no clue. It's like asking people why they don't like eating broccoli or why they don't like the color red.

Anyway, I know _she_ wants me to change. Permanently.

My mother has tried to make me more boyish which is quite the opposite of what most parents do with their daughters. They usually encourage their daughters to play with dolls and wear dresses; I was encouraged to climb trees and wear boys' clothes. However, the more she tried to "convert" me into being a boy, the more girlish I became. I loved to wear dresses, loved the color pink, and didn't like violent sports. But now, now I am stuck. No matter what I want, _this_ will happen.

I'm scared.

I don't know what will become of me.


	3. Destiny In Her Hands

Today is April 7, AC194.

Today is a day before my birthday.

Today, I am still thirteen.

And today, I arrived at Dr. Ex Allier's lab.

_It_ was basically a big white space-age complex made of dark glass windows with a small plot of land with red and yellow tulips around it and between the parking lots. A long road surrounded with tall pines led up to this technologically advanced _hell_. _It_ was far from any other housing establishment or business area for that matter. Far from civilization.

My mother carefully stepped out of the limo, her stocking legs leading up to her navy blue suit skirt hem slightly above her knees. Sunglasses were daintily perched on the bridge of her nose, and her lips were stained a deep red. She looked sophisticated, young, and foreign to me. She could almost pass for a middle-aged model from clothe catalogs with the prestige she emanated.

I, on the other hand, was dressed in a large tee shirt and blue jeans with my long hair tied up in a ponytail which poked through my baseball cap. I originally wanted to wear a light blue dress, but seeing how it'd upset my mother a great deal, I secretly stuffed it away into my luggage which consisted of boys' clothes two sizes too large for me. 

"Mother," I timidly said.

"What, daughter?" She asked, walking straight towards the sliding glass doors of the complex, her high heels clacking on the pavement.

"Will…" I gulped, "Will you be here for my birthday?"

Stopping, she briefly glanced at me and said, "After today, visiting hours will be limited and when the procedure starts, contact is prohibited until it is finished. If I can make it, I'll stop by tomorrow."

I nodded my head, tears welling up in my eyes. Even if she was doing this to me, I still loved her and wanted her to love me. She was my mother, and I wanted her to be here tomorrow for my birthday. My dad probably knew none of this was happening. My mother said that she had told him, but I doubt her. I wish my dad was here, too, but he's on another colony doing business, unaware of what was happening to me. To _his_ daughter.

"Mother…" I said again.

Irritated, she turned her face to me, those black glasses covering her cold eyes. "What, Relena?"

Under her glasses, I could feel her eyes piercing me. Stricken with fear, I shook my head to indicate it was nothing. It really was nothing.

We entered the building and went to the reception desk. The young brunette receptionist was dressed all in white with her hair pulled neatly into a bun, her fingernails painted a mauve color. She checked our appointment on the electronic micro planner, its larger ancestor being the computer. After being told to go to the eighth floor and into room D-2, we walked past the windows which curved above in a wide semi-arch, reminding me of a shuttleport. White, rounded metal beams supported the window panes and when they came down to ground level, a portrait of each famous scientist with a caption was hung on it. 

I glanced at the strangers' portraits while listening to the steady clicking of my mother's heels on the white marble floor. Then, we reached the small corridor where the elevators were. Brushing the front of her coat, she watched the light that descended from each floor number down to the next, as if I wasn't standing right next to her, waiting for destiny to hit me in the face.

A small chime rang. 

We got in. 

The elevator promptly took us up to the eighth floor. 

The chime rang. 

We got off.

In stiff, military-like steps, I marched in time with my mother to the destination of my execution. As dramatic as it sounds, it's exactly what is was. My death.

Dr. Ex Allier appeared from the short hallway with uniform doorways, and greeted us with a warm smile. It felt as if I was at a dentists' office with little kids and play toys on a counter with red cushions aligned along the balloon and teddy bear wallpaper ramparts. There was only one word for it.

Surreal.

I briefly remember my mother signing more papers at the receptionists' desk, her neatly painted red fingernails pressed up against the tip of the black, ballpoint pen with an inscription on it. 'Allier' it read. Then, with a final swoosh, the pen was placed back on the pile of starch white papers and my mother proceeded to walk towards me.

…walk towards me…

    'Get away!' I thought.

'GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!'

She smiled at me and told me to be good.

She pressed a chaste kiss on my cheek and without another look, left the office.

Dr. Ex Allier was smiling at me, his beady eyes drilling into mine.

'Stop smiling at me.'

I swear I'll never smile again.


	4. Temporary Escape

__

Pung pung. Pung pung. Pung pung. Pung pung.

"Stop, Relena, stop!"

Doors and fluorescent lights zoomed past and the commanding voice echoed behind.

My bare feet sprinted down the hallway, the fluorescent lights zooming past above my head.

__

Huff. Huff. Huff.

I had to get there.

I had to get to the box.

I had to before _they_ got me.

Suddenly, there was a shadow blocking my way. Someone was there to stop me.

"There you are!"

'No...please, no. No...NO!' 


	5. Relief in Tears

"Noooo!" I screamed, kicked, and scratched. The arms surrounding me would not let me go. I clawed my hand in my captor's face and he yelled out while dropping me.

I began my quest again, sprinting to the desk, sliding over the countertop, and reaching the rows and rows of closed boxes. Searching with desperate eyes, I found the one labeled, "Darlian, R." on it and quickly pushed the button next to the handle. My hand then swung open the door to find a single postcard inside.

Flipping the card over, I quickly glanced through the blurred words to the bottom as my eyes began to tear. 

My knees collapsed.

I sobbed like a baby with the card held tightly firm against my chest.

Then, they found me, took me, and carried me off.


	6. Out of Luck

"Relena, it seems like you've been quite active these days. Too active. Even my most experienced assistants can't handle your unpredictable behavior."

I didn't answer but watched the plunger dive down, the liquid pushing through the needle and into my vein.

"Relena, you must learn how to control yourself and your behavior. I know this must be harsh on you, but creating difficulties will not hasten the procedure. Please cooperate with us."

My eyes wandered on the ground to a lost ant crawling to and from along the cracks between the tiles. I could feel the straps around my arms being released, and my hands flew up to cover my chest protectively. 

The doctor's cold eyes gently softened.

"Relena..." he tried with his sugar-coated voice. "Relena, you don't have to worry. We will not take that away from you."

I still kept my silence and glared at him. I didn't trust him. Not one bit. I never trusted doctors. They feigned compassion while underneath, all they wanted was their money. Not this time. You can't fool me. I continued to stare at him.

He sighed, exasperated. "Relena, we're not here to harm you. We're here to help you. Please try to cooperate with us. Things will go a lot smoother if you did. Think this over. If you do not act cooperatively, we will just have to abort this procedure and return you to your mother as you are."

I waited until he left my room to take out the card from under my shirt. I had tucked it safely in my bra, hoping none of the assistants or the doctor would try and reach down there to steal it from me. When I took it out, it was warm from my body heat. My fingers touched the smooth, glossy surface of the postcard. The scene depicted a city on the L-1 colony, somewhere in space. I couldn't remember exactly where it was since I had only been to space once, when I was a toddler. The picture was an aerial view of the city at sunset, its buildings rising high into the artificial sky. Small multicolored specks glowed from the numerous windows of buildings, competing with the sun to provide light for the colonists.

Suddenly, I wished to be there, because somewhere, in one of those buildings, looking out of one of those windows, was my father, waiting for his trip to end so that he could return to Earth. Return home. 

Flipping over the card, I read the simple words he had written:

__

To my dearest Relena,

Happy Birthday. I am sorry I cannot be there to celebrate with you and your mom. Business isgoing well, so hopefully I will be home soon. See you then. 

Love, 

Dad.

Curling up on the soft, white mattress that lied on a stiff, white metal frame, which was surrounded by perfect white tiles and spotless white wallpaper, I cried. I cried till I could not breathe, until I felt the wetness of my tears cool into the fabric of my white sheets.

AN: Yep, I'm still here. It's been a while since I've thought of an acceptable way to write the next chapters of this story, but now I'm back. Yes, this has been a short chapter, but that's why I've uploaded more than one this time. Enjoy.


	7. Determination's New Path

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed, my voice cracking, my vocal chords struggling to produce sound. Hands. Glove-covered white hands grabbing for me. Grabbing for my arms. I clamped my teeth down on a white, starched sleeve. A surprised, painful scream ensued. "Don't _touch _me!" I half yelled with a raw throat.

"Enough." Dr. Allier gestured for his assistants to leave. 

They had tried to sit me down onto a chair in order for the Doctor to administer the hormones into my blood. The hormones which would transform me, forever. Needless to say, I rebelled.

"Look, Relena, you obviously do not consent to this operation. I think it is best for us to end this here and now so I can send for your mother to take you home."

I stood my ground. "No."

"No? Then why do you not cooperate? I've repeated myself so many times already. Your rebellious behavior says all there is to say."

"No, you are wrong."

The Doctor sat down on his black leather swivel chair. "Please enlighten me then, Relena."

"I like being a girl," I stated tersely.

He waited. "Yes...yes we can all see and agree upon that, which is-"

"I'm not finished," I interrupted. This time, he waited patiently in silence. "I like being a girl, but my mother wants me to be a boy. I don't want to be a boy, but if I don't become one, she will continue to hate me. I..." I hesitated. This wasn't easy to say to the Doctor. "I...want her to love me. Therefore, if there is a way...if there is an alternate..."

"If I may interrupt you, I think you need to resolve your issue with your mother through a different method."

"No. There must be something you can do for me."

"I don't think you understand how much your outer appearance will change and how you must change on the inside as well."

"No, Doctor, I don't think you understand where I'm coming from. You're going to help me change, but change only enough to fool people, especially my mother, on the outside." 

He looked at me, unamused. He thought for a while before saying in a defeated voice, "An alternate solution does exist."

"Go on."

"This will be a more costly and complicated procedure in a different sense. If you were to pick this option, you wouldn't become a boy. Everything that would lead others to believe that you are one, would all be synthetic, prosthetic, and detachable to some extent."

"And...what does it involve?"

"Well, this method requires your cooperation above all else and certainly an open mind. It also requires you to be able to play the part of a boy while I take care of the rest."

"I can act."

The Doctor laughed. "Yes, yes of course."

"Tell me how this will work. Every step of it."

He laughed again. It was starting to annoy me. "First off, you'll have to stop acting so demanding. Boys aren't like that. The way this works is that my assistants and I will start constructing something of a body suit to change your physique while you are to practice your "acting", if you will. After the suit is complete, you are always to wear it and never to take it off, ever. It will be custom molded and attached to fit your body perfectly, and eventually, become part of your body. You will be able to feel anything that touches it as if it was always part of your natural body. If injured, your bodysuit will bleed your blood and you will feel pain. I cannot possibly explain the intricate designs of this suit to you and how it will be attached to you, but very minor surgery must be performed. Once we are finished with that, you will appear exactly like a teenage boy. And I must repeat that you are not to remove it ever, for you will probably injure yourself to a serious extent in trying to do so. If you ever do desire to remove it, simply come to me, and my team will finish the task for you."

"Sounds like I'm going to be attaching a living parasitic chameleon to my body." I rolled my eyes.

"It really isn't as bad as you say it is, I assure you," the Doctor responded, his patience wearing thin.

"Alright, what about a penis? Does this bodysuit come with one?"

The Doctor shifted in his seat. "Unfortunately and fortunately, it does not. Attaching male genitalia is a far easier process."

"Explain."

"Of course my team will have to also construct a separate genitalia to attach to you once you are comfortable with the bodysuit. The genitalia will be functional except in certain situations."

"What do you mean? How is it going to be attached to me?"

"The genitalia will be attached with special medical glue. That means it is somewhat detachable although I strongly recommend you to leave it on at all times. A small tube will lead from your urethra into the penis so you can urinate with it on. As far as its shortcomings, you will not be able to perform sexual intercourse with it."

I grimaced. "Gross! Like I'd want to do that as a _boy_ anyways." Never in my dreams would I want to do that. I couldn't imagine me doing it with a girl with...ugh, gross.

"I was merely giving you the facts. Any other questions?" The Doctor tapped his fingers on the plastic arm of his chair, a fake smile fixed upon his face. I bet it was there just to provoke me.

"Yeah, what do I do when I get my period?"

"Ah, good question," the Doctor said a tad bit too enthusiastically. "Fake skin extending from the scrotum will cover your vagina quite realistically so that any discharge will simple travel into your scrotum. Of course, once you start your menstruation, you will have to detach the skin and empty the scrotum of..."

"Okay, okay, I get the picture. That's kind of gross too. So once I take the skin off to empty...yeah, you know, how do I reattach it? What is it, like a suction cup sort of deal?" I asked sarcastically.

"You're a bright one. That's exactly right. So what do you say? Do you still want to-"

"Absolutely. We've got ourselves a deal, Doctor."

"Excellent. Now I'm assuming you don't want your mother to know..."

"Right. She can't. I need her to believe that the operation was performed on me although it won't be, of course."

"_Of_ course. You have my word. She will never find out."

I stood up, smiled, and extended my hand in truce with the Doctor. He, in turn, stood up, relieved to have finally reached a consensus with me. If we could all just make-believe this procedure to the end, I'll keep my peace for sure. It's just like playing pretend, after all.

AN: That's it for now. I've got some crazy imagination, huh? XP


	8. With Summer Comes Someone New

The sun's rays beat down hard upon my face as I laid out in the slightly dry green grass of summer. With my arms outstretched, I felt as if I was nearly burning in the heat and my whole sweaty back was being pricked with the needle-like tips of green blades. The blue summer dress stuck to my body, but it was alright as long as I could still wear it without being scorned at. As long as I could still be _me_.

I heard a swishing sound and suddenly, I was being rained upon by drops of water from the sprinklers. Laughing, I jumped up and ran through the sprinklers in my bare feet and danced around, eyes closed with my face leaning up to the sky. Then, I stopped and stood in place, my arms yearning upwards to embrace the world.

And then, I was invincible.

From that moment, I knew, no matter what happened, as long as the sun kept on shining and the grass kept on growing; as long as there was the blue, blue sky to reach towards and dreams to drink like a thirsty person finding water in a desert, I knew...I knew I was invincible. Nothing could change who I was inside while the outside kept on changing, growing, altering in appearance. And that was okay. As long as I knew who I was inside, nothing could stop me.

Nothing.

Except maybe the creepy boy staring at me from the second floor window. The sunlight didn't glare off his window like it did with the rest, almost blinding me with the bright reflections. My arms fell to my side, and I continued to stare at the boy as I quickly got more and more drenched with sprinkler water. Embarrassed, I walked over to the side of the large field so that I could stay dry. I never took my eyes off the boy until suddenly, he was gone, as if he were never there at all.

'What a strange kid...' I thought to myself, looking down at my soaking blue dress. So much for keeping clean.

* * *

Yep, short chapter for this update. Drowning in schoolwork here :S but I wanted to update, so here you go. 


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